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Can I have your sperm?Umm, no, says my very handsome friend. He’s standing in the doorway of his stunning Upper East Side townhouse, wearing a completely bewildered expression. Who can blame him? It’s 10 p.m. and I’m in my pajamas, my bunned-up hair hanging askew off my head.Before you say no, hear me out––No, he repeats as if I haven’t just given him instructions. He eyeballs my pjs with the pigs with wings pattern on them. A joke gift Delia bought me when she told me she sleeps naked and I said I would do that when pigs fly. They’re very comfy.Are you in your pajamas?Yes. I push past him to get inside. I’m prepared to assume all cost, I rush to say, my voice high and marked with desperation. You know my financial situation. You know I don’t need help in that regard. And you can participate as little or as much as you want in raising our child––Slow down, Stella––Jeff said no...I walk directly into his living room and come to an abrupt stop. Stacks of cardboard boxes are everywhere.Are you moving?Yes. Ethan brushes a hand over his gorgeous face. Where’s this coming from?I want a baby and the gays said I was too structured. And we’re friends, right? We respect each other, right?Wait? What gays?The architect, and the professor of economics at Columbia. Keep up, will you.Ethan chuckles and I glare back. This wasn’t supposed to be this hard. And it’s poking at all my sore spots.I really liked the professor. He’s the one that said I was too structured. The architect said he found a more geographically suitable candidate, but I’m pretty sure he was lying because I would’ve moved uptown if that was the only issue.Okay–– he says, taking a deep breath, his hands on his hips. You want a baby.Yes.So go to a sperm bank.Too anonymous.I’m not giving you my sperm, Stella. I’m moving to Los Angeles in less than two weeks and I’m getting married. I don’t think she’d be too keen on me handing over my sperm.Stunned, I rock back on my heels. What?! To who?To a woman I’m in love with. He smiles then, the sweetest of smiles, and I know he’s serious. Camilla’s friend. At my blank response he continues, The actress––we haven’t talked in months.I called.To tell me my investments are up thirteen percent.You’re up fourteen for the year now. And you said you were too busy for a drink.You canceled the last time.Totally dejected, I slump down on the armrest of his couch. You were the last name on my list. I can’t keep the disappointment out of my voice. I’m so bummed I may start to cry and I am not a crier.Ethan chuckles softly. Wow, thanks.You know what I mean.Why not a sperm bank?I want my kid to know his or her father. I don’t want to tell them I bought their father.
― P. Dangelico,
Baby Maker

Can I have your sperm?Umm, no, says my very handsome friend. He’s...

- 5th May 2020 0

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